So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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