He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
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