it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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