i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
