census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Randomize
