Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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