official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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