i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
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