dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
