The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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