my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
