Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
