What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
