my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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