we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
