we have officially lost it.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I am midnight drunk by noon
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
