i just wanna soil my oats bro
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
