I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
my poor anus
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
