so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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