There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
