My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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