By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
