i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Randomize
