just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
