I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
