Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I'm at about main and main street
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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