I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
