I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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