is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
