is your mom at the bar?
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
