I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize