I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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