there's paper in my vomit.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
