by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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