I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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