A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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