I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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