i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
