what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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