we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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