Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
