Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
