btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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