So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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