if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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