that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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