i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
