I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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