I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
