So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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