hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
