why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
