spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize