woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
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