And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
