cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
It's official drugs can't kill me
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
