Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I am naked and annoyed.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
