I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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