i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
