I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize