i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
