i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
