The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
