I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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