dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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