Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
it's great music for shaving your balls
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
