The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
