my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
