Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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