Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
