Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
