He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
