lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
