Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
