just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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