apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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