Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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