Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
She said her name was "party"
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
