i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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