My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
