that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
