Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
