Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
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