I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
