ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize