I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
