his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
