I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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