And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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