At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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