cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
